We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
