The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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