i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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