theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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