Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
