Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
