i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
