Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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