Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
