Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
