SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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