No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she pinky promised me she was 18
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
