Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
