How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
