i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
