I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You took a bar mat shot.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
