This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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