Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
