I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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