1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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