i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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