im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
