i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
nutella sex= disaster
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
