Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
