okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
