i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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