i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
