she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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