So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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