you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
