the condom got lost in my hair
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
