y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
