I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Congratulations! We have a period
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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