It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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