she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
