hotel room ftw
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
