it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
