apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
