My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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