I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
