another moral hangover. fuck.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
