12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
