I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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