he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
