Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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