She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
