you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
