3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
