No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
