Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
