I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
