and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Holy sore nipples Batman
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
