i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
