If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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