i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
